Five minutes ago, I did something bad. 

…very, very bad.

(All names have been changed.)

Today, Jenny told me something about Boring Bob. Who knew he’d be such a kinky son of a bitch! I should be shocked, appalled, and running in the other direction.  However, much to my dismay, I find him utterly irresistable now.  He’s never been sexier.

God, I feel like such loser!

Here’s a convo between Sally and I in YIM:

Gamer Girl: I’m a fucking loser
Gamer Girl: My crush is totally renewed in light of the new info
Sally: lol
Sally: i love it
Gamer Girl: Fuck’s wrong with me?
Sally: I mean
Sally: I’m not supposed to
Sally: but I do
Sally: b/c
Sally: you are bent as hell and i fly
Gamer Girl: What do you mean?
Gamer Girl: That I’m bent, I mean.
Sally: b/c you would never do
Sally: as like
Sally: like
Sally: standard little wifey
Sally: you will be a soccer mom
Sally: then go home
Sally: and bang your husband til his eyes cross
Gamer Girl: lol
Sally: and nobody would be the wiser
Sally: and if you settle for anything less than that I’d be disappointed

During my childhood, I spent a lot of time at my bedroom window.  I loved to look at the people driving or walking past.  Everyone had a purpose, and they were all headed somewhere.  Often I would make up little stories in my head about who they were and where they were going. 

I reveal that about myself because it is important to note that I am a spectator from the early on in my life. Even today, I enjoy to sit back at a party and watch others interact.

One of my former clients is on my FaceBook.  She used to write my colleague daily love letters and send gifts.  At first, we thought it was someone we knew, but it wasn’t.  My colleague doesn’t even remember meeting her.  Finally, her daily love letters had a tone of “when we kiss” and “when we first hold hands.”  This freaked him out!  While it is fun to poke fun at the mentally unstable, it is another thing to have them planning on meeting you (Kathy Bate’s Misery style) and endangering your kids.  He firmly told her to stop, and she did.

Well… This morning, I noticed that she’s become FaceBook friends with a guy I have a huge crush on.  I’m in a bit of a conundrum.  What should I do, if anything?

1.  Although I have a huge crush on him, I barely know the guy.
2.  Who am I to say who she can be friends with?  What am I, the mayor?
3.  What if they hit it off?  I mean… maybe he’s attracted to batshit crazy!
4.  I really, really want to go back to being at my window.  What will she do?  How will he react?  Will he confide in me?  Ohhh how I hope he will!  I want to call up my yenta queen, Jaxx, and laugh till we have tears in our eyes.

Option 4 it is!  Yeah, I’m going to hell.  That fact was established during the lady bug episode of 1986.

I realize I haven’t blogged in almost 2 months.  The truth is, I don’t have time.  My life is incredibly busy, incredibly kickass, and more fascinating than a year at the Playboy mansion.  No joke.

Okay, that’s enough of that. 

A couple of weeks ago, some friends and I went to the midnight showing of Serenity at a local theater.  I invited everyone to my place for hors d’oeuvres, then we’d go to dinner (or depending how much we ate for dessert), and then go to the theater.  Then I thought…. How funny would it be if I played a little joke on my friends?

When my guests came over, there was a platter of beets & onions on the table.  I insisted it was the hors d’oeuvres I’d prepared.  They actually ate a couple pieces of beets, and Matt ate one of the raw onions. It was glorious!

Below are the pictures of the beets & onions and also what the table really looked like once I’d served everything. :)

Let’s take a moment to talk about being uncomfortable.  Last week, we hosted an event to show off our newest product.  A few of the fans invited asked for my autograph.  This is the second time this has happened.  Each time it makes me feel self-conscious and gauche.  I mean… Who the hell do I think I am?

Now let’s talk about my patience, temper, and all that business.  There are very, very few people in this world that I truly dislike, and it is even more rare for me to actually admit to hating someone.  My life is pretty awesome.  However, when I see someone that I hate enjoying themself, I yearn to be more successful than them.  Quite literally, I want them to look at me and burn wih jealousy. 

The question sent to the masses on my YIM list was: Do you think George Clooney waxes or shaves?

The Answers:

“your thinking too small. shave would just come back. waxing would hurt like a bitch.  he would need a permanent solution and money is of no concern. so I say laser.”

“LOL. No idea.”

“wax”

“lol waxes lol but it doesn’t matter cause he is hot… lol”

“Neither.  He’s a sissy boy.  With no hair”

“I don’t care… I’ll take either.”

“wax”

“Im pretty sure hes shaving .. only Harrison ford is waxing .. seen it on tv its truueee”

“electrolosys. If I spelled that correctly”

“if you let him he’ll polish it for you”

“lol I hope to never know”

“wax. he’s sort of metro-sexual,  i’d still hit it.”

The question put forth to my a select few on my Yahoo Instant Messenger list: I had a meeting at 2-2:30 (with a VP of [A Project]), but it was postponed.  I don’t know if it will happen today, but am hoping it will.  The vote:  Should I go upstairs and booze it up with a friend or stay sober in case the meeting happens?

The Answers:

“LOL Stay sober. Drunk can happen anytime!”

“booze, just not a lot”

“booze it up - i have faith in your bullshitting abilities if the meeting does happen. but hey - it’s fucking friday!”

“Booze.”

“If it doesn’t happen you will enjoy boozing it up later. I’d wait.”

“IWOULD GO FOR THE DRINK THEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT PPL NOW THINK OF THEM”

“go upstairs and get shitfaced”

“Booze it with me. Meetings never happen when you want them to.”

“umm, stay sober, please”

“sober is my vote”

“got this late, but assuming you boozed it up…”

“forty minutes later… what would be the benefit of staying?” 

“i was gone when this came across… what’d you end up doing?”

Final Note: I ended up staying sober.  Boo! Hiss!

In public, I don’t admit to playing WoW.  I gave up when people asked if I played with a bunch of 14 year olds, and I’d start explaining that most were not 14.  However, I think I’ve been wrong.

Today I was watching a movie where one character said to the procrastinator, “This is life.  It is happening right now!”

It scared the shit out of me!